Hamilton vs Ian
by The New Ace of Spies
Summary: A parody on an issue that's growing: Haimy or Iamy? Ian or Hamilton? One-shot. Who will win a boxing/karate/jude/wrestling match? Find out!


**Okay this is a sort of parody, to address a growing issue.**

"One moment," said Hamilton Holt, grabbing a bottle of water and pouring it over his face. He roared.

Part of the crowd cheered screaming, "Hamiy! Hamiy for life!!"

Another part of the crowd (a quite bigger part) booed screaming, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? BRING ON IAMY!"

Yes my friends, it's a match off.

Haimy vs. Iamy.

A judo/boxing/wresting/karate match in one!

"And da crowd is in da house!" yelled the announcer(a.k.a. Jonah Wizard, that's who).

Referee Irina Spasky stepped into the ring.

"And now," the sports anchor, who's name was Dan Cahill by the way. "Ian Kabra is in the stage!"

That's right, Ian jumped onto the ring.

The crowd roared, mix of boos and joy.

"Well, show us the ninja moves!" Dan cried over his microphone.

"Got that, Bro!" Jonah cried, and the crowd turned their attention to him. "Yo! This is da one, and only, big square off!" He posed as cameras flashed, then continued to talk. "HAIMY VS. IAMY!"

The crowd roared chanting their personal favorite.

"Cast your bets, cause it's gonna be a good fight! But before anything, I'd like to introduce our co-announcer, Natalie Kabra, in da house!"

Natalie gracefully came on, posing for the longest time as the cameras flashed. Then suddenly she whirled around, brushing her hair against Jonah's face.

"Ready," she said, smirking.

Jonah's eyes were wide with shock. "Wow. Well, now, as you know, one of our sports anchors took a great tumble in a cave, but he's back! WELCOME DA ONE AND ONLY... ALISTAIR OH!"

Alistair Oh danced on with his pink socks, looking as weird as ever.

"Uncle!" Natalie said with happy sarcasm. "I missed you so much!"

"Thank you dear Natalie," Alistair said. "Dan! Ready?"

"You bet! Lets see ninja moves!" Dan swung his leg into the air.

"Now remember," Jonah told Ian and Hamilton. "Irina Spasky is in da house so she'll use her fingers," which Irina extended for everyone to view. "Whenever you guys get a bit... crazy."

"Ready?" Natalie said, "You better win Hamilton!" she whispered, placing her bet.

"Hey!" Ian said.

"GO!" Jonah Wizard yelled.

"And their off," Dan said to the camera. "Ooh. Hamilton just gave Ian a blck eye for sure!"

"But what's Ian doing? He's posing?" Alistair said.

Indeed Ian was posing like a model, which made everyone stare.

Even Natalie.

Irina Spasky drooled a bit then stopped.

"Order!" she cried extending her nails. Ian stopped, jumping away from her reach. He kicked Hamilton in the face.

Except Hamilton didn't complain.

Hamilton instead lowered his head and charged like a rhino.

Ian screamed like a girl.

"Wimp!" cried Alistair.

"Lets talk about this case," Dan said. "How did it start exactly?"

"Two words," Alistair said, holding up his fingers. "Korea and Russia. It actually is a sort of country face-off."

"Agree with you on that one. Shame my sister would fall for such dorky guys."

"Totally," Alistair agreed on.

Meanwhile, Ian had jumped out of the way and pulled out a dart gun.

"Take this!" Ian cried pointing it at Hamilton's face.

"ACTION!" roared Dan. "Now that's what I call action!"

"Yo Bro," Jonah said. "Got that one."

"Vulgar action," amended Natalie.

"Quite," Alistair said, nodding his head sadly.

Hamilton had taken Ian's gun and repeatedly smashed it against Ian's head.

"MY HAIR!" cried Ian.

"YOUR HAIR!" cried the Iamy crowd.

"Good thing for Hamilton is," Jonah said. "He's new to the showbiz. People like new."

"Let me translate," Natalie said, scrunching her face. "You mean Hamilton has an advantage due to the cause people don't like old stuff."

Jonah nodded.

"I don't agree," Dan said. "I must say, the first one, people get attached to. They don't like newbies. Want proof?"

"No," Alistair said, his eyes tearing up to the thought that Rachel Dare didn't get Percy Jackson.

Irina Spasky moved toward the ring. "Stop!" she said in her heavy accent.

Hamilton and Ian froze. Hamilton had been pulling Ian's hair and Ian was kicking him.

They looked weird.

"Ridiculous! The winner!" she said.

"What?" wailed Dan. "No one got to fly out of the ring! Not enough ninja action!"

"They will kill each other," Irina said. Ian and Hamilton glared at each other.

"True," Hamilton said.

"The winner is..." the crowd leaned forward, so you just heard a loud squeak of hundreds of chairs moving forward.

"Whoever can throw the person out of the ring without any weapons." Irina held her hand and Ian put in a bunch of deadly Lucian weapons.

"FIGHT!" screamed Irina.

Hamilton lifted Ian in the air, who was kicking furiously and threw him out the ring.

"WHAT?" the crowd asked. "Hamilton won?!"

"NEVER!" screamed Ian. "It has just begun!"

"Well my friends, it seems as if the 39 Clues war has begun," Natalie said.

"Yes, after all, doesn't every series have one?" Dan asked. "Twilight with Jacob and Edward."

"Rachel and Annabeth," Alistair said.

"And now Hamilton and Ian!" Jonah cried happily.

"Tune in for the rest! Sometime..." Irina said, grinning evilly.

**Okay if you don't get what I'm saying, it's this: Jacob vs. Edward. Rachel vs. Annabeth. Something is coming up in the 39 Clues series and I'm pretty sure it's Hamilton vs. Ian.**

**GO IAN! Sorry, I love Ian.**

**Anyway, what side are you?**


End file.
